swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Thu, Oct. 13th, 2005 09:49 am
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i'm fairly decent at making friends (or at least i think so), but i don't seem to be too good at keeping them. i assume this is my fault, but i'm not sure what's wrong with me. i've had some very bad friendships over there years, or at least ones that ended bad, or even very bad. but i wont' go into that. i think this has left me rather tainted. this is a relatively recent thing, about the past 3 years or so? i didn't used to be like this, i swear.
example: i made a good friend that was in some classes of mine back at the beginning of the year. we hung out quite a bit, at least once a week, if not more. got along really well, etc. could talk quite a bit, about a lot of things. she even fed my cats for me while i was in california on vacation. well, summer classes ended (and i had lost my job), she offered to look into a job at where she worked. we briefly discussed it twice. but then she never called me again. now, here's the odd thing about me: i get so nervous about people liking me/wanting to be my friend, that i dont' always put the effort forth into a friendship, afraid i'll annoy them or something. so anyway, she didnt call me, i didn't call her. at first, i thought she must not have wanted me to work with her, didn't want to be my friend anymore, etc. a few weeks later, i'm wondering if maybe she lost her phone and my number? or something like that. then i feel so bad for not calling her, that i don't call her. i figure, she's probably mad/upset that i haven't called, i can't call now. multiply this by a few months now. it sucks, i probably lost a great friend over nothing. or maybe she really didn't like me? i don't know.
but anyway, this applies to almost all my problems when it comes to friendships, even LJ. i haven't commented in most of my friends' livejournals because i went so long without commenting. i figure no one wants to hear from me now that i've not really talked to them in ages. the funny thing being: i read my LJ friends' page about every other day. i just don't know that anyone wants to hear from me and i feel so bad about not commenting, that i don't comment, and that's just a vicious cycle, no? and how can i be upset at someone not keeping in touch with me, if i don't keep in touch with them? i can't, i just end up feeling super crappy.
then there's the fact that if i am upset about something a friend does, no matter how good a friend this person is, i don't say anything. and i hold a grudge, no matter how small. especially if it is a repeat thing that upsets me. but i dont' say anything.
and i get so nervous/anxious about being a bad friend, that it becomes hard for me to make friends. i have become a rather anxious person in my old age. anxious may not be the best word. can't think straight.
anyway, this all has left me a rather lonely person. thank god i have angel... he keeps me (relatively) sane.
/end senseless ramblings. Tags: friends Current Mood:  sad Current Music: perry meowing, probably at the stray who frequents our porch   
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Thu, Oct. 13th, 2005 09:23 am
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so in the last two weeks or so, i've had about 6 migraines and a headache pretty much every day.
i'm not happy about this.
i keep forgetting to take my meds, this could be a problem. it's been raining a lot. my sleep schedule is totally screwy. completely, horribly screwy. i'm a vampire. stress, anyone? yeah, that could be part of it..... head hurts. lots of excedrin, migranal, fioricet. ugh. going to try to get in to see this headache specialist i've heard of in the area, but they don't take my insurance. but if they're willing to file a claim for me anyway, my insurance would still pay them. will look into it. tummy hurts, no meds to take for tummy. pfft. stress. on the bright side.... 3.5 months until nursing school. can't have migraines in nursing school. migraines are the bane of all existence, they are EVIL! EEEEVVIIILLL! i don't feel so good. uh... yeah, i haven't any friends, and that is depressing. stressed. i haven't slept all night. bad. i'm sure this is an annoying post, my apologies. i'm gonna sleep now.
love you, lyn lyn! miss you! i would fly down to see you, but i'm flat broke.
mental note: sign on AIM more often.
mental note two: comment on friends' livejournals, being that i really do read them anyway. Tags: migraines, stress Current Mood:  anxious
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Thu, Jul. 14th, 2005 05:50 pm
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As some of you may know: I am without a job (again). I'm applying to go to Nursing School (starting Spring 2006) so I'd only need a job for all of 4-5 months... gotta make some money. Gotta write my application essay, get one more transcript in, and possibly some bullshit for my summer study abroad program in Spain from two years ago (which would include these steps: request official transcripts from study abroad program ($12.50 and 5-7 business days); get my copies of the transcripts translated (no idea how much money, 7 business days); get official transcripts evaluated by World Education Services ($150 and 7 business days). HOLY CRAP! Yeah, I have a call into the nursing school to see if I can avoid all of this being that it was two one-month long classes and one two-week class, they're on my Washington College official transcripts, they're not worth very many credits, they're not required courses, they're electives and I have plenty of other electives to choose from. I'm sure that was fun to read, can you tell I'm frustrated? It first looked like it would take at least 2-3 months to get all of that done, meaning I would not be able to apply for Spring 2006. I'm just waiting for a call from the nursing school to make sure I NEED to do this and if so, that I do everything right. ANYWAY. That's that. I'm just looking for some menial job to make money to pay my bills for the next 4-5 months. I'll update when I get any news on that front. Without further ado: pictures of my little monsters.  Beware: lots of large photos. ( Read more... ), job, school Current Mood:  contemplative Current Music: iTunes Party Shuffle
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2005 02:30 am
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Well, I got a new computer. (If you remember - I dropped and therefore MURDERED my iBaby (iBook G3) a few months ago). I feel like such a traitor - it's not a beloved macintosh... It's a damned PC. Money-wise, this was just smarter, and with my parents fronting the money, I didn't have much of a choice. It's a nice computer though (www.tigerdirect.com) my dad put all the parts together. Had some problems at first, but they got fixed. Then went a week without internet service because we switched and the new one SUCKS (so far, let's hope they get better). I was able to recover most of my music library (over 7 gigs worth) except for the songs I had recently downloaded onto my iBook but had not updated on my iPod. iPod Liberator ROCKS. (and only $15.00)!
Anyway, it's late - I'm tired. There's more news and updates, but I don't feel like talking about that shit right now.
Oh yeah, we got another kitten! So now we have Perry (a little over a year old) and Ana (about 3 months old). Pictures to follow... sometime hopefully soon. I've got time on my hands as it is....
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Sun, May. 22nd, 2005 04:29 pm
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First of all, I am done with the spring semester. I got all A's (A&P one, health, speech). I also made a few new friends - mainly Karen - we hang out after class, it's nice to feel social again. I start Microbio in 10 days or so, but I'm not worried because I already took the class at WAC, just didn't do the final project and exam (stupid health problems at the time). So, this class won't be hard, and Karen and a girl she works with are both taking it too. We plan on going to Happy Hour before class, as opposed to going to the bar after class. It'll be cheaper that way.
I am going to apply for nursing school... NOW. I'll be working on the online application this coming week - spring grades are official as of this coming Tuesday, and I need those to apply. I need to get the application in. Dr. Ford and Dr. Verville (from WAC) both said they'd write some good recommendation letters for me, so I have to write up a resume and send it to them. Crap - I have to request official transcripts... oops, forgot about that. I'll have to look over the entire application tonight and make sure I get what I need from other people (transcripts, recommendation letters, etc). Have to get that stuff ASAP so I can send my application in by the middle of June, end of June as the absolute latest.
Other news? I was just diagnosed with another health problem this past week (yay?). I had seen a cardiologist in January because I kept getting tachycardia for NO reason. I had an echocardiogram and I sent in "readings" on this heart monitor thing that I could record my heart beat on. Well, my follow-up appointment was scheduled for the second week in February, but I started a new job that week so I cancelled the appointment. When I asked them the results of my tests, the staff said everything was normal... they lied. On Friday, I had some serious tachycardia - it was ranging from 110 to 140! (Normal heart rate is 60-90) and I wasn't doing anything that would make my heart rate that high. My mom had her 2nd appointment with the same doc on Friday, and since I had signed a release saying my mom could have my medical info, my mom asked the doc about me. As it turns out, I have mitral valve prolapse (trivial, though), which isn't much of a surprise because I've always had a heart murmur and my mom has it too (although her diagnosis was just upped to mild MVP). The MVP, being trivial, isn't so much a problem for me, except that it apparently gives me tachycardia and the doc started me on a beta-blocker that same day and I have an appointment to see her in two weeks. Honestly, while I'm not surprised, I'm a little upset because 1) the staff told me everything was normal, but they shouldn't have and 2) I really didn't want another medical problem, thank you very much. On the bright side, the beta-blocker will (hopefully) have two functions: to bring my heart rate down and to prevent headaches/migraines. Oh that reminds me - a major symptom of MVP is migraines... but I don't know if that's true for trivial MVP. Either way, the beta-blocker should help fix me. I also finally got my blood work down (thyroid and a few other things) on Friday. I wonder how those results will be. Let's just hope my heart rate goes down, 140 bpm is absolutely ridiculous.
Anyway. I should go look at my nursing school application and Angel wants to go see Star Wars...
Oh yeah, I should be getting a new computer soon :) My mom applied for a credit card with 0% interest for 15 month and we'd put my computer on that so I can pay it off without being charged crazy amounts of interest. I can't wait to get rid of this piece of shit that's sitting on the coffee table. We're also getting our new furniture next week (yay Ikea). My grandparents will be down from Connecticut and my grampy has a nice big truck and he's going to deliver it for us, so we dont' have to pay $70 delivery fee. Now we just need to clean up this messy house in the next week.
Do you think a cute little lop-ear bunny would be a good friend for Perry (our cat)? He needs a friend and we can't have two cats (until we move out and get an apartment that would let us have two).
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Tue, May. 3rd, 2005 12:41 am
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When the President talks to God,
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to to rape our women's rights?
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike?
When the President talks to God?
When the President talks to God,
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute on down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind?
When the President talks to God?
When the President talks to God,
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed?
When the President talks to God?
When the President talks to God,
I wonder which one plays the better cop?
"We should find some jobs the ghetto's broke",
"No they're lazy George I say we don't,
Just give em' more liquor stores and dirty coke",
That's what God recommends.
When the President talks to God,
Do they drink near beer and go play golf?
While they pick which countries to invade,
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess God just calls a spade a spade,
When the President talks to God?
When the President talks to God,
Does he ever think that maybe He's not?
That that voice is just inside his head?
When he kneels next to the Presidential bed,
Does he ever smell his own bullshit?
When the President talks to God?
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
~BRIGHT EYES Current Mood:  cynical Current Music: jay leno - bright eyes as musical guest
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Mon, Jan. 3rd, 2005 11:17 pm
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you'll have to excuse the fact that i don't feel like capitalizing things. i'm lazy.
news: i was fired last week. for being late. granted, i was less than five minutes late quite often, which is grounds for termination, but they fired me because i was late by 2 minutes one day and stephen (the asshole son to the senior partner who i mainly worked for) was PERSONALLY INSULTED when i was (get this) 60 seconds late the next day. they gave me about 24 hours notice, not two weeks or anything. i said "no thanks, buh bye" and left within five minutes. i was going to quit anyway, i already had a job interview set up for the same week, but i wanted to find another job first. need money.
the employment classifieds are scant. my mom says that there should be a lot of jobs opening up in the next few weeks, etc. but until then?? the birth center has some work for me to do. it's only maybe 8 dollars an hour, but it's money. insurance credentialing for the midwives. damnit, medicare applications are horrible. i hate em. i applied for six different jobs at the university of maryland medical system. it'd be a commute, but worth it. plus, once i was in the hospital system, it'd be easier to get the hours i need for a part-time job while in nursing school, and, since i want to go to university of maryland school of nursing, i could get tuition reimbursement.
i took the law firm off my resume entirely since i only worked there for 3 months or so and the birth center is still "to present."
on the bright side, i have time to work on the apartment and clean up. just need some more motivation. i am setting up our kitchen with all the dishes and kitchen stuff we got from my parents for christmas. packed up all the old stuff to donate and what-not. of course, it's all in a big pile IN the kitchen... but it's packed up and our new dishes are in the cupboards. pots and pans are next (have to wash them all first). teflon-free (yay). i got a crock pot too (a little 2-3 person one), and a food processor and an egg-beater (because the one here was broken). mixing bowls and spoons, plates, bowls, mugs, glasses, ziploc containers, strainers/collander, knives! we got our kitchen table too (from ikea), but we haven't any chairs yet. (well, we don't have the table here yet or set up, still have to get rid of the old one). my sister picked out the dishes and they were the exact ones i had wanted from target! (and i had never described them to her or anything). angel got me a palm PDA (it has solitaire on it, i'm addicted). it's so i can manage my time during the semester, i'm really bad at managing time. ooooh, and i got the chronicles of narnia by c.s. lewis, which i have always wanted to read (since reading one of the books in 3rd or 4th grade). and the harry potter books. nevermind some cute lingerie and undies. hehe. i got angel that senseo coffee maker and some dress shoes and driving gloves, and i feel like i'm forgetting something. my mom got me socks and tank tops and a blanket - my fetishes (not in any sexual way, thank you). hehe, and she got me carebears cross stitch. speaking of crafts... i am knitting this scarf for my sister for christmas (yes, christmas was over a week ago and i am still knitting it). she wanted a really wide, shawl-like scarf. it is taking so very long to knit a wide shawl like scarf. but it's a pretty blue color. she should have it by spring.
and mom got the carebears DVDs to put in "the trunk" (a bunch of stuff she has been buying for me/my future children). CAREBEARS! she knows i want my kids to grow up watching the things i did (because they were good shows and not violent like the power rangers (note: i hate the power rangers: real kids, not cartoons, can dress up in costumes and beat people up, great message)). she even got the DVD that has the original episodes that i used to watch. that excites me. i want to watch them now. that wasn't really a christmas present, she is always collecting stuff for that trunk (i'm not sure there is really a trunk, but it is stuff to put into a not-yet-existent trunk). she's got stuff for my sister too, but my sister thinks she's crazy and i think it's cute. and hey, some of this stuff isn't going to be out when we have kids in a few years, so might as well get it now! (i know she's on the hunt for the classic pooh crib set i want, but hasn't found it yet. it's called "cozy quilt" i think).
anyway, enough of that. new year's was.... uneventful. angel is sick with his yearly winter cough (bronchitis, probably, but guess who is stubborn and won't go to the doctor even tho he's paying for health insurance). my sister says we're 21 going on 40 (or was it 80?)... sometimes i feel like she's right. it sucks.
my head has been hurting for a few days straight now. not good, at all. could be the whole taking the nuva ring out for a few days (as is necessary) and being without those hormones. or bad sleeping habits from not having anything do to (a.k.a. no job). my neck is killing me. i can't wait until we get MY mattress out here... (angel's has broken springs and is horrid). maybe that will help. gotta make an appointment to see a cardiologist... i have tachycardia (fast heart rate), irregular hearbeat, and palpitations at time. my heart rate (resting) is rarely under 90 bpm, usually around 100 or more. add that to my history of heart murmur... i should see a doc, no? i feel like a hypochondriac. but i'm not.
car... i hate my car. it needs a 30,000 mile service, probably. the brakes are gone, down to the roders (sp?). great, just great and an absolutely wonderful grinding noise, i assure you. i thought they were going bad, but my mom said they had just been replaced... then she realized a few weeks later that she was wrong. the check engine light is on (oxygen sensor got knocked loose when i went over railroad tracks a month or more ago). the (emergency) brake light comes on all the time, but the brake itself isn't on, i don't know if that's a problem tho. the speakers whisper when the volume is all the way on and with the loud road noise of that car, it means you can't hear shit when the car is moving at any speed. it's making more and more odd noises as time passes. i guess that comes with age (and 125,000 miles). three of my CDs are permanently stuck in the CD player... but i have them in mp3 form so that's ok. not that it matters, cause i can't hear shit, remember? i hate my car. but, hey, it runs... there goes a lot of money (that i don't have). my parents are going to pay for what needs to be done and i'll have to pay them back. after all, i can't drive a car around with bad brakes.
they just bought a brand new 2005 toyota corolla... the dealer wouldn't agree to a buy-one-get-one-free deal with me. bitches. we were there for four and a half hours (i was tagging along) because of computer (and salesman) glitches of all sorts. still no free car for me. pretty car they got though. very perty.
in short:
i need a job
christmas was nice
my head and neck hurt
happy new year? Current Mood:  headachey
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Thu, Dec. 23rd, 2004 06:28 pm
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So, Angel surprised me and took me to see Phantom of the Opera, the Movie last night, opening night. It was playing in "Select Cities" and one of those happened to be Owings Mills. It was wonderful. Emmy Rossum (Christine Daae) was great and has a beautiful voice. Raoul (I don't know the actor's name) was pretty damn good too, his voice meshed well with Christine's. The Phantom (some actor reminiscent of John Travolta in Grease) was okay... his voice was too throaty and deep and he seemed more sinister than in the play. His mouth movements were exaggerated too. Then again, the Phantom is always the most criticized role as it is the most dimensional, you have to fear and pity him at the same time. Minnie Driver (as La Carlotta) was absolutely hysterical, she really brought that role to life. At the beginning of the movie, Angel was like "ok, just remember: you're doing this for her, just grin and bear it." And toward the end, he was like "what a son of a bitch!" but then he liked it, a lot. YAY! (For those of you who don't know --- I LOVE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA).
They changed some of the lines ("I trust her midnight oil is well and truly burned" was removed and I liked that line in the "Notes" song). Also, they spoke some of the lines which should have been sung, especially since they RHYMED. Speaking rhyming lines sounds stupid.
One complaint: the theatre messed up and had the video ahead of the sound by a split-second and it was driving me crazy the whole freakin time. Seriously, you don't realize how much you watch people's mouths (especially when singing) until the sound and mouth don't match up. Or maybe that's just me.
Good movie. I want it and the soundtrack. Current Mood:  chipper
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Sun, Dec. 12th, 2004 06:56 pm
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wow, i haven't updated in over a month. and, as many of you may know, george w. bush is still president (the topic of my last post was the election).
no, i haven't moved to spain yet.
i owe you all an update (especially kait who is CONTINUALLY nagging me to do so) but i have finals this week. monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday --> finals. and to make it worse, i am working full time all week (escept i'm taking a half day on thursday because that test is for my online class and is at the testing center and the wait may be a bit).
i need to study, bad. will update at the end of my crazy-ass week.
:-*
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Tue, Nov. 2nd, 2004 09:24 pm
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about what, you ask? duh, the election. of course, the news is on and i'm listening to "projections" which is frustrating. it's frustrating to realize that we won't know who our president will be for another week or so (absentee and provisional ballots are not yet counted, nevermind any recount that is almost guaranteed to happen). one channel says one set of numbers, another says different. i hate this!
for goodness' sake, just put kerry in office. we all know that politics is about the lesser of two evils.
just think, if people from ALL countries could vote for our president, bush would never win.
please please please, for all that is good and sacred in this world... let the democrats win.
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swtrthnwn
allison michelle |
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Sun, Oct. 24th, 2004 01:34 pm
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i hate my job. seriously. well, not hate, cause i'd have quit by now. i like the people i work with but can't stand the rest of it. i don't feel like i'm doing anything worthwhile, but even that would be okay, if it weren't for the pettiness of my bosses. and the creepiness of one of them - *shiver* - seriously just disgustingly creepy guy. and don't even get me started on grammar (i do a lot of transcription, and my boss is anti-comma, to the point of long, run-on sentences that make no sense and having, maybe, ONE comma in an entire letter).
classes are okay, just tiring. i get up at 8 (i should get up earlier, so i could actually SHOWER before work) go to work until 5 pm, get home around 530 or 545, then leave for class around 615, class usually til 930 (8 or 830 on tuesdays and thursdays), then home and any homework or shit for my online class. ugh, after a 14 hour day - i feel like doing NOTHING. the house is still upside down (because after a week of 14 hour days, who wants to do anything on the weekend?).
anyway. got my absentee ballot, going to send it in this week. have to sign up for classes tomorrow morning and i still don't really know what to take (besides A&P, obviously).
need money, donations accepted. have $30 in my account to last until friday (when i get paid).. that's a problem.... and then rent and bills and all that nonsense have to be paid.
didn't make it to the UMD School of Nursing open house yesterday - had a killer migraine friday night, so i took a concoction of meds to knock me out (yes, i did that on purpose). migranal always has a possibility of not working, so i didn't take that; fioricet sometimes doens't work either; and my neck was hurting like hell. so i took two fioricet and 20 mg flexeril.... ahhh, sleep. unfortunately, i wasn't able to wake up in the a.m. for the open house. damnit.
i wish i was in contact with more people, more firends i should say. as explained earlier, when i get home from work and school, i just want to veg. aside from that excuse, i also regret that i've lost contact with friends from high school, from LJ, and (to a point) from WAC. it gets to the point where you don't know how to re-initiate a friendship, y'know?
head hurts need food. Current Mood:  blah Current Music: ravens game, what else?
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swtrthnwn's journal
energetic
i hate my head